Being 24 years old and skipping
periods every other month for no reason at all is neither fine nor healthy. Every
month I skipped a period I would take a pregnancy test just in case and it was
one heartbreak after another. Seeing the test come back negative and not
knowing what was going on with my body was both frustrating and terrifying.
It was the worse feeling ever- I never knew if I should be excited because I
didn't get my period could this mean I was pregnant or if I should be upset
because my body was being weird and just not having a period. After a while I
stopped taking the tests and gave up hope. We were so frustrated and it was so
hard because it felt like everybody around me was getting pregnant and
moving on with life. I watched friends, my little sister and my niece all in
true bliss over getting pregnant. It truly stung and left me heartbroken and
questioning why I was not good enough to get pregnant? Don't get me wrong I was
so happy for them but only those of us who have had a hard time getting
pregnant or are going through something similar know just how depressing
and scary the whole thing really is. You can't help but think "What's
wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why does that person get to have a baby
but I can't have mine? Am I not good enough? Am I not worthy enough?” etc…
This last year Greg & I finally
found an amazing doctor in American Fork and they finally diagnosed me with
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome where it caused me to skip periods. Basically,
woman get small cysts every month and they pop at 2 cm then ovulation comes. That's
normal, but mine would turn into huge cysts and never pop, thus causing me
to miss periods. It would happen on my left ovary so I would, in a sense, not
ovulate. If I am correct, it is like having one ovary but not really
because doctors told me both my ovaries are healthy. It's really confusing and
frustrating. They put me on a medication called metformin to help it because I
guess it had to do with my insulin. My doctor still doesn't even know if it's
polycystic that I have but that is the only explanation they can think of. The
doctors were not worried at all though, they told me we would become pregnant
eventually and have a normal healthy pregnancy, so that was very reassuring.
My doctor also put me on a
medication called Chlomid. A lot of my friends were on it, which made me feel
better, and everybody kept telling me to wait till the third month, the last
month of Chlomid, and it would happen. Sure enough, the third month came around
(June 2012) and I was not pregnant, instead I had a huge ovarian cyst that they
had to remove with surgery. However, during that surgery the doctor did all
these tests to make sure everything was ok and he removed scar tissue from
previous cysts. He found nothing wrong with me and there was nothing wrong
with Greg either. We both were very healthy and everything was working. He was
positive the second round of Chlomid would work and now that the scar tissue
was removed and everything was "refreshed" and cleaned out,
he was even more sure. I, however, had my doubts, but I would try anything even
if it meant trying it again and again and again. While I was on it I could feel
my left ovary working this time. It was very painful and uncomfortable because Chlomid
kicks it into gear, but I was happy and relieved that it was doing SOMETHING.
Meanwhile, I decided to work on myself and focus on improving all aspects of my
life, especially my relationship with the Lord. I had a new outlook on life and
was finally happy again. I knew that if not in this life time, I would be
with my children in the next. I wasn't stressing as much or thinking about it
constantly like I was before. I just let life happen and I stopped trying to
control everything. I decided to give myself over to the Lord and put all
my trust and faith in him, and sure enough on November 14,2012 after the third
and final month of the second round of Chlomid, our prayers had been
answered. Finally we had created our little miracle.
It has been quite a long, hard
journey, but that is what makes our miracle baby so much more special. The
tears, the pain, and the sleepless nights were all worth it! We have waited a
long time for Londyn and we have never been happier. How I lived 26 years without
her, I will never know. When we finally got to welcome our little miracle into
our family here on earth, it was the most amazing moment of my life. I truly
believe everything happens for a reason and I know deep down in my heart
that heavenly father just wanted more time with our precious angel because she
is so perfect. We thank the lord so much for this trial- it has made us so much
stronger and I am so blessed to have a husband like Greg who held strong for me
through this difficult time; for his blessings he would give me day and night,
and for his strength and faith. As hard as it was, it taught us so much.
Thanks again everybody who has stood
by to support us. If you have been diagnosed with PCO please know that there is
hope and I truly hope our story has given you that hope.
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